|Wow. Nope. Ouch. I need to stop you right there.||That word/comment is really triggering and offensive. Be mindful and pick a different word.||I need to push back against that. I disagree. I don’t see it that way.|
|Okay, I am having a strong reaction to that and I need to let you know why.||I don’t find that funny. Tell me why that’s funny to you.||I wonder if you’ve considered the impact of your words.|
|Hmmm.. maybe you want to think this one through a bit more and speak about it later.||I need you to know how your comment just landed on me.||That’s not our culture here. Those aren’t our values.|
|Is sex/gender/gender identity/gender expression/race/class/ ethnicity/religion/ability/ immigration status/body type/marital status/age/ pregnancy relevant to your point? How?||It sounded like you just said _______. Is that really what you meant?||I feel obligated as your peer/colleague/co-worker /friend/supervisor to tell you that your comment wasn’t okay.|
|It sounds like you’re making some assumptions that we need to unpack a bit.
|You may or may not realize this, but you’re talking about me/my story/my identity markers.||I need to leave the room if the conversation is going to continue down this road.|
|Remember, it is a powerful thing for the target of oppression to hear these words from the mouth of an ally!|
Adapted from Oregon Center for Educational Equity: What Did You Just Say? Responses to Racist Comments Collected from the Field
|I’m curious. What was your intention when you said that?||How might the impact of your words/actions differ from your intent?||What sort of impact do you think your decisions/comment/action might have?|
|How might someone else see this differently? Is it possible that someone might misinterpret your words/actions?||How might your own comfort level, assumptions, expectations, prior experiences be influencing your beliefs, decisions, process?||How is ___ different from
What is the connection between ___ and ___?
|What criteria are you using to measure/assess etc?||How did you decide, determine, conclude…||What would have to change in order for ____?
|What do you assume to be true about ____?||Why is this the best way to proceed? What other approaches have you considered?||What is making you the most fearful, nervous, uncomfortable or worried?|
|Why do you think that is the case? Why do you believe that to be true?||Why do you think others have/haven’t moved in that direction?||How do you know it’s working?|
|Why did the result or response cause a problem for you?||What would other stakeholders say/think/feel?||In your opinion, what is the best case scenario?|
|Think: How might we call out the behavior, while calling in the person?|
Adapted from the School Reform Initiative Pocket Guide to Probing Questions